Friday, January 13, 2006

Uh you want another WHAT?

Sooooooooo my husband walks into the bedroom tonight - I was braiding our 12 year olds hair into braids and then painting temporary Halloween hair color on them because tomorrow is crazy hair day at her school (so in the morning when she takes out the braids - Viola! crazy colored hair)

Anyway... Husband sits down and says, "I want another baby." Our daughter replies first and says, "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh okay..... awkward." (LMAO)

We have three children. Since my daughter doesn't read this blog, I will go ahead and say my pregnancy with her was a surprise at age 20. Its not that we didnt want kids someday, we just weren't actively TRYING to get pregnant. We tried for 2 years to have our 2nd baby and I ended up going through 18 months of fertility treatments to get pregnant with him (injections, fertility meds, IUI) When N was 17 months old I got pregnant with our third baby. (We were actually trying for a third but that time I got pregnant the first month we tried.

I have PCOS which basically means my body ovulates whenever the heck it feels like it. I used to never have periods (Ah, the glorious years) Ever since my last baby was born however, they are totally regular. (Booooooo)

Back to my husband... after C's birth, we agreed that three was enough - especially since we are currently living in a very small three bedroom house.

Going from two kids to three was a shock. Having two boys two years apart... it was hard on me. I'm not one of those super moms that has a spotless house, a satisfied husband, happy kids and does it all with a smile on her face. (Although I know a few people like that and they really bug me - Seriously ladies, you are making us frazzled and overwhelmed mothers feel horrible about ourselves!)

I have spent the past 4.5 years being meticulous about birth control and under the assumption that I was not going to be having any more babies. Now I don't even know what I think. I'm bewildered because my husband stresses daily about work and the mortgage and retirement, etc. Never did I think he would want another one but now that he has asked... I'm all sorts of confused.

I asked him after our daughter went to bed why he wants another one... I know he is sad that our youngest is starting Kindergarten next year. He said he's not ready to let go of all the baby stuff that has passed and that he knows if we are ever going to have a fourth, NOW is when we have to have it. He said he also thinks it will be good for the grown kids to have an even wider net of support once we are gone (I'm going to die someday? WHA?) By the way, I am also sad and bummed that C is starting Kindergarten next year which is why we had been planning on getting a puppy once he starts school.

It's strange to me that my immediate reaction to the baby request wasn't to jump for joy and start picking baby names - Part of me does want to react that way but part of me feels like having another kid would be selfish of us somehow? Most people don't have four kids, why? Part of me has always thought four kids was a LOT of kids but I'm not sure why I think that. I guess what it comes down to is my fear that by having a fourth child, I will somehow deprive my children of even more attention from me and damage them. I also worry that having a fourth when I am already blessed with three amazing little people is on some strange plain, asking for trouble. (Have I mentioned that I worry a lot?)

Also running through my head was the FIFTY FIVE+ pounds I packed onto my 5'9" frame with my last pregnancy. Seriously, I am STILL trying to lose the last 15 pounds from that and it was four and a half years ago. Each pregnancy I gained more weight than the prior one. I actually might physically explode if I attempt to have another kid. What to do what to do... I guess what it comes down to is this: I love my kids more than anything. I love other people's kids (most of them anyway) Aside from worrying about the effect on my children, most of my other worries are all self-centered ones. Obviously I want what is best for my children... I just wish I could know what would be better for them.

I will close this mad scramble of thoughts with my daughter's response after her dad and I talked to her about what she thought about how another baby would affect her:

"I don't think it would affect me that much and if its what you want, I think you should go for it. (pause) Um, I know this is going to sound selfish and I don't mean it to but... can we still get a puppy?"

Awww I love that kid. (And I said yes of course)


Janet said...

Where oh where to start? Eric and I had all of your concerns. Can we afford it, do we have the time, are we asking for trouble, will we be shorting our other kids??? What it came down to was one little question and one you have to think very seriously about. Do you think you will regret in 10 years not having another one? I honestly felt in my heart that there was one more little soul meant for us. I would look at family photos of the five of us and tell Eric where the next baby would be in that picture. If you have any sense that yes, there is another one waiting for you, then I think you should seriously consider it.

The jump from 2 to 3 was the worst for us. We were outnumbered at that point. Going from 3-4 was nothing. It was a breeze. I absolutely cannot imagine our life without Zach. He completed this family.

I feel that our kids have many more benefits with a big family. There is always someone to play with and talk to. Their friends ALWAYS want to come to our house. Our nieces and nephews spend the weekends here. There is so much to do with more kids and so much love. I wouldn't change it for the world.

Good luck:-)

Melissa said...

No advice, but wanted to offer a hug. ((((Hugs))))

Carrie said...

Wow! Well, your response to your DH was better than mine is (and yes, Jason has said ten times AT LEAST since Parker was born that he wants another). I always say, "WTF are you smoking?" or "As soon as you grow yourself a uterus, you go right ahead, big guy."

That being said, who knows how I'll feel in 4 years when Parker goes off to Kindy. I'm sure I'll be right there with you in the same pot of confusion.

I could see you with four little scully's. :)

Emily said...

Going from 3 to 4 was REALLY easy for me....(snort)

Seriously, though...I'm not going to say great idea or bad idea because its such a completely personal thing...but, just so you'll know, with my four monkeys driving me insane every day, toys all over the floor, laundry piling up by the second, someone always hungry, thirsty, needing help...well...I am in heaven. Blessed with four angels that make my heart do that warm flutterly thing at least 8 times a day :)
And I doubt any of the four will ever claim to be deprived.

Denise said...

Good luck making the decision. We are currently ttc#3, and it seems like nature isn't working on its own, so we'll be back at the RE soon. I feel we are meant to be a big family, whether it be 3 or 4, I don't know. Only you and your hubby know when your family is complete.

Mary said...

Good luck!!

We're pretty sure we're quittin' at 2, so no advice, but ((((HUGS))))

Alien said...

Ugh. I can so understand your indecision. One day I want another one. The next day, I'm like, "No freakin' WAY!" LOL! And I already have one less than you. ;)

OK... think of it like this... 20 years down the road, how COOL will it be when all four of them are grown with families of their own? One more sweet mini-Scully (hopefully a girl... LOL!) would just add to your blessings.

Good luck deciding, Sweet cheeks!

TC said...

No advice from me, see that T thinks the same that we have 2 healthy wonderful kids why mess with it. but big((((((HUGS)))))) to you and making the desision!!!!

Kappy said...

I think that whatever you decide will be right. I think you should follow your heart. It's okay to not want another child. That doesn't make you a bad wife or person. And it's okay to want another.

Take a deep breath. You can't go wrong.

PS: I'll fly down to be present at the birth. ;)

Leslie said...

Do it. As far as not giving them each enough love, that's silly (said in the most loving, respectful way, of course.) Yeah, it's a different dynamic, but no less loving or attentive... just some from Mommy and Daddy, and some from siblings. And you hadn't figured out what, if anything, to do career wise, right? So, um... you're available ;)

Anyway, I'm having baby yearnings, so have one for me... lol!

Renfield said...

(((Julia))) Well, whenever I have baby yearnings I try to picture myself with another baby. Do I want to start all over again? is my biggest question. For us, it is easy. We are happy to move forward and leave the baby years behind us. I totally undestand WANTING another baby, though.

Good luck with whatever you decide. No matter what you decide it will be the right thing =)