Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I am the anti-Grace


In the past 33 years I have been called Grace more times than I can count. The first time was when I was about 8 years old and I was riding my bike while looking to my right, I slammed head on into the back of a parked car. There was a guy washing his car and he said, "Nice job, Grace Kelly" (BTW, Thank you sir for heckling me instead of so much asking if I was alright!)

I was always really active as a kid. I have done some fairly dangerous things in my life yet every single time I have ever been seriously injured, it has been doing something totally mundane. I'm serious too - allow me to give you just a few examples:

broken collarbone - fell out of bed at age 5. I have broken my arm 3 different times in my life, the first two I will skip for now but one of them was from swinging in a doorway (you know when you put your arms on either side and lift youself up then swing your legs? It was fun while it lasted though) I broke my leg in two places in 1992 while having a play shoving match with my giant husband, he pushed me back and I tripped over a fan sideways and fell and my leg snapped at the knee. (Can't I blame that on him though? I'm guessing not)

I gave myself a concussion TWICE, once in high school I bent down to pick up a book that had dropped out of my locker and stood up and hit my head on the corner of the open locker door. Another time I whacked my forehead on a shelf at work bending down (again, fast) to pick up a letter that I dropped (I was putting the letters on the marquee at a video store) I actually bounced off the shelf and landed on my ass. If you are a current friend of mine, you might remember me Vs. the baby gate in the middle of the night and darkness that I RAN into trying to get to my baby son and subsequently breaking several bones in my foot.

Despite the evidence pointing to the contrary, I am actually not a total imbecile. (I actually just deleted two entire paragraphs listing other moronic injuries I have had too) Every time I have hurt myself I am amazed at how it happened. Its like all of a sudden I lose all depth perception or something.

Fast forward to earlier this evening. My neighbor came over to pick up something I was loaning her which happened to be in the back of my husband's new truck. Its a full size Chevy Silverado extended cab and the bed has a hard top shell on it. (Picture a giant lid over the bed of the truck) The thing weighs a LOT so it has shocks on the sides so its liftable and it stays up once you lift it up. Soooooo I lifted it up and got the thing out, handed it to her and there is this strap you pull to lower it. (Here is the part I have little explanation for) I grabbed the strap with my right hand and started to pull it down but my left arm was still in the bed? I had no idea that the shocks only hold it up to a certain point and then gravity slammed it down right onto my forearm. Obviously it hurt but to see the look on my neighbor's face, I think she thought it cut off my arm, LOL. Of course my husband after witnessing 13 years of my refining poise just had this look of, "I actually chose you as my wife?" as he lifted the thing off my limb.

My neighbor laughed as soon as she saw I wasn't sans arm and I just now remembered that about five months ago I walked into a metal sign in front of her while we were picking up our kids from school one day that literally drew blood from my skull. sigh.

My arm has now swollen considerably and I should have a pretty nice looking bruise tomorrow. Maybe I will start a photo album of all my injuries or at least give one of the kids a video camera so I can make an attempt at winning 10 grand on America's Funniest Videos.

4 comments:

Alien said...

LOL! ((((Scully and her arm))))

Hope you feel OK today.

Janet said...

((((Scully)))) I cringed just reading it!

Susan said...

Yikes. Hope it's not too bad tomorrow.

Emily said...

((((clutz))))

You and I should each have our own wings on the local ER...LOL